I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Because I've just bitten my tongue! "
A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have astabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .
"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.
耍花招 Playing A Trick
A man handed a pair of slacks to the department-store clerk. "I'd like these altered, please,"he said. The clerk asked for the sales receipt, but after searching his pockets, the man repliedhe had lost it. The clerk informed him that it was store policy to do free alterations without areceipt.
"Okay, then, " the man said, "I'd I like to return the slacks. clerk processed the return andgave him cash equaling the cost of the slacks.
The man pushed the money back across the counter. "Now I want to buy the slacks, " hesaid. The clerk rang up the sale, bagged the slacks and handed them to him with a receipt.
Triumphantly, he put the slacks and the receipt on the counter. "I'd like to have thesealtered, please."
The Big Baby
"You'll have to take care of the baby today," a woman told her husband . " I'm not feeling well."
"Then you must stay in bed and rest, dear. " her husband said. "I'll be pleased to look after our baby. "
"Thank you. I'll have a quiet day and I'll soon get better. " his wife told him.
"Shall I do the shopping for you as well?" her husband asked.
She was very pleased and said, "That will help me very much. I'll give you a list of things to buy. "
She wrote out the list and gave it to him.
"You can get all these things at the supermarket," she said.
"You can put the baby in the shopping cart, then you won't have to leave him outside."
The man took the baby to the supermarket and put him in the shopping cart. Then he pushed the shopping cart along the rows of things to buy and looked for those that were on his list.
At first all was well, but then the baby began to cry.
Then he started to scream.
"Keep calm ,George, " the man said. "Don't get excited. Don't shout, George. Don't lose your temper, George.
A woman in the supermarket heard him saying these things. She walked up to him.
"I think you are wonderful," she said. "You are so patient with your little George. "
"Madam, " the man said, "I'm George. He's Edward.