最经典英语冷笑话

　　下面是阳光网小编整理的英语经典冷笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

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　　英语经典冷笑话：Who Are Crooks?

　　A newspaper once carried an editorial which stated bluntly that half the city council were crooks. Under penalty of arrest, the editor issued following retraction: HALF THE CITY COUNCIL AREN'T CROOKS.

　　谁是骗子?

　　一次，一份报纸刊登了一篇社论，直接指出市议会里有一半人是骗子。在被罚以拘留后，编辑发表了以下声明：市议会里有一半人不是骗子。

　　英语经典冷笑话：Churchill and Bernard Shaw

　　Winston Churchill was Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War II. He was a fat and short man. George Bernard Shaw was a famous writer. He was

　　tall and lean. Both of them were humorists.

　　When they met at a reception, Churchill said to Shaw with a smile, Mr. Shaw, when people see you, they must think there is a famine in our country. Yes, said Bernard Shaw, but they must think you are responsible for it.

　　丘吉尔和肖伯纳

　　丘吉尔是二战期间英国的首相，他是个又矮又胖的'男人。肖伯纳是著名作家，又高又瘦。他们俩都是幽默诙谐的人。

　　一次，他们在一个招待会上碰面了。丘吉尔微笑着对肖伯纳说：肖伯纳先生，人们看到您，一定　 为我们国家正在闹饥荒。对，肖伯纳回答：但他们一定认为这是您造成的。

　　英语经典冷笑话：Coincidence

　　A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.

　　What a terrible voice! he said. Do you know who she is?

　　Yes, was the answer. She is my wife.

　　Oh, I beg your pardon. The man said, Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song.

　　I did. was the answer.

　　巧合

　　一位女士正在唱歌。一位客人转身对他旁边的男士批评道：

　　多难听的嗓音!他说，你知道她是谁吗?

　　知道，男士回答，她是我太太。

　　噢，请你原谅。客人说，当然，她的嗓音并不坏，但那歌实在太差了。我想知道那是谁写的歌。

　　是我。男士回答道。

　　英语经典冷笑话：

　　A man is so addicted to gambling that he often comes home late. His wife never stops railing at him. Once he is detained at his office and comes home late. His wife accuses him of gambling again but he swears he was detained in his office. I pray to God that you are speaking the truth, his wife says.

　　May God strike me dead if I am lying.

　　Then I pray to God that you are lying, his wife said hopefully.

　　一个男人因嗜赌而经常回家很晚，为此他妻子从没停止过骂他。一次他因工作很晚回到家后，他妻子指责他又去赌博了，可他发誓说这次是因为工作。我祈祷上帝你说的是实话，妻子说。

　　如果我说谎上帝便赐我于死。

　　那我祈祷上帝你是在说谎。他妻子充满希望地说。

　　英语经典冷笑话：睡前祷告词

　　Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

　　And Julie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

　　妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”

　　朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”

　　英语经典冷笑话：几月走的

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, "When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, "Which month did he go away?"

　　杰克给人鞠躬，飞快地一点头，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说，“下次鞠躬的时候，你就在心里数：正月、二月、……一直数到十二月为止，然后再直起身来。这样，礼节就周全了。”

　　第二天，杰克见到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。这躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一惊，赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便问过路人：“我叔叔几月走的?”