英语笑话 经典英语段子

　　生活需要笑话，笑话能愉悦我们的心情，今天我们就一起来看看精选笑翻天英语笑话合集吧!

我去！这两汪星人在干嘛？

　　精选笑翻天英语笑话合集(一)

　　TOM'S EXCUSE

　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

　　Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go

　　Slow".

　　汤姆的借口

　　老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?

　　汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

　　精选笑翻天英语笑话合集(二)

　　Mum advice her daughter "if a boy touched ur breast say DON'T n if he touched ur vegi... say STOP IT. 1 week later.the girl told her mum." mum a boy touched my both then i said DON'T STOP IT"

　　妈妈对女儿说：“如果有人对你非礼，他如果摸你上面你就喊“不要.不要”，他如果摸你下面你就喊“停.停”，过了几天，妈妈问女儿有没有人对你非礼?女儿说有人对她非礼。妈妈说你喊了吗，女儿说喊了。妈妈说你怎么喊的，女儿说：“那天那个人上下同时摸，我就喊“不要停，不要停”!

　　精选笑翻天英语笑话合集(三)

　　They are liberated

　　My husband, a brawny-looking man, had injured his back andcould barely walk. On the way to doctor, we stopped for gas at aself-serve station dragged my eight-months-pregnant form out frombehind the steering wheel and began pumping.

　　Two men nearby looked at my husband, who was resting in thecar, and then glanced at me. “Well,” I heard one say to the other,“They are liberated, you know.”

　　——Ellen McQuarrie (Laveen, Ariz.)

　　她们被解放了

　　我丈夫看起来是个很强壮的男人，他的背部受了伤，几乎不能走路。在去看医生的路上，我们在自助站加油，我拖着八个月大的身孕从方向盘后面出来，开始加油。

　　附近有两个男人看着当时正在车里休息的我丈夫，然后看了我一眼。“哎，”我听见一个对另一个说，“你知道，她们被解放了。”

　　——爱伦. 迈考利(Laveen ，亚利桑那州)

　　笑话是一种简短的`艺术语言，它能调剂我们的心情，今天我们就一起来看看英语笑话经典段子吧!

　　英语笑话经典段子(一)

　　一个小男孩非常想要一百美元买一辆自行车，但是祈祷了两个星期也没有结果。于是，他决定给上帝写一封信要这一百美元。当邮局收到这封收信人为“美国，上帝”的信后，他们决定把它寄给美国总统。总统很重视，也很感动。他命令他的秘书寄给个小男孩五美元纸钞。总统认为这对于一个小男孩来说应该是一笔大钱了。这个小男孩收到这五美元后非常高兴，又坐下来给上帝写了一封感谢信，信中写道:

　　A little boy wanted one hundred dollar for a bicycle very badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA，they decided to send it to the president. The President was so impressed，touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a five bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted wish the five-dollar bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

　　亲爱的上帝:

　　Dear Lord，

　　非常感谢你寄给我的钱。可是我发现，由于某种原因您通过华盛顿寄给我的钱，像往常一样，那些奇怪的人扣走了九十五美元。

　　Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted ninety-five dollars.

　　罗杰

　　Love,Roger

　　英语笑话经典段子(二)

　　A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

　　一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天，一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说：“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

　　A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.

　　一周以后，印度人又来了，他告诉导演说：“明天会有暴风雨。”果然，第二天有暴风雨。

　　"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

　　“这个印度人真神，”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

　　However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

　　然而，几次预测天气成功之后，这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

　　Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

　　最后，导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说：“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景，全都指望你了，明天天气如何啊?”

　　The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

　　这个印度人耸了耸肩说道：“我不知道，我的收音机坏了。”